The Musings of the Absolutely Fabulous Ms. N.

So summer is just around the corner and I have begun my yearly search for the perfect summer sandal. And as most of my readers know about my shoe fetish (thanks to Mr. K) I have decided on the one pair of shoes that I must own this summer. Problem is that I can't find them anywhere!



If you happen to come across these exact pair of shoes in a size 9 please let me know. I would be very, very appreciative (if ya get my drift). Hehe.

Here is one of Kev's um..stories. I didn't ask his permission to post it but I don't think he will mind. This version is from his writing.com page but you can also find a version of it on his blog.


I need a drag-queen personal shopper.Not for me, mind you. I’m not exactly one for flashy clothes, I don’t do justice to any designer handbags, and I’m far too klutzy in normal shoes to even attempt a walk in heels. I need a DQPS for my girlfriend.

Noemi is a fashionista (or label whore, depending on who you ask) - she knows her stuff when it comes to style. She can look at a handbag and determine instantly what shoes best bring out its inner beauty. She can scan the overflowing racks at any clothing store when the new lines come in and, without so much as breaking a sweat, isolate the passing fads from the garments that will endure. She has a quality that I can’t quite put into words, but if I could the words would probably be French.

I, by contrast, am fashion-blind. I look at the clothing stores and see racks and racks of garments that all seem pretty much the same. I go apparel shopping with all the gusto I can muster, but eventually I get overwhelmed and wind up spending my time finding out which of the round racks spin fastest. (In case your wondering, tightly packed racks don’t lose as much of their kinetic energy as sparser ones. Swinging garments create drag which slows down the spin.)

This would not be a problem if I was a regular guy who paid no attention whatsoever to buying his significant other gifts that she’d like, use, and/or appreciate. In fact, were I the type who thought a big-screen TV or a bowling ball pre-drilled to my finger size constituted romantic gifts, my life would be much easier. Ignorance is bliss, after all. That is, until you come home one day to a bowling ball in your big-screen TV.

Alas, I have been cursed with good intentions. So I try. And it doesn’t always work well.

What am I to do? I don’t get what makes a handbag fashionable. I don’t get why one pair of shoes accents an outfit while another pair – though very similar – fails to compliment it. And I don’t get why you can’t match black with blue. But I want to buy gifts for Noemi, and she is someone who does get all this stuff. I want to be able to give her gifts that make her feel as special as she makes me feel.

Herein lays the need for a drag-queen personal shopper. Apparently drag-queens are very much in tune with the world of fashion. They have a sixth sense, it seems, that your average man does not possess. What gives them this extra sight, I do not know. They are able to reach into the recesses of their minds somehow and tap into something deeper. I suspect it might have to do with the tightness of their tuck-unders.

I don’t know if I have it in me to fill the Straight Guy role on Queer Eye. I would look good for the end of the episode and then gradually regress to something similar to what I am now. Plus I’m not sure how I’d feel about Carson peering in on me when I’m changing. I’m not sure which is worse – him trying to flirt with me or him not. He flirts with all the other straight guys. Am I not good enough? Yet just because I am less inclined to join the fashists myself doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice Noemi's wants and wishes.

We went to see La Cage Aux Folles on Broadway and she was enamored by the shoes the guys wore. She pointed out their handbags and I could hear a touch of jealousy. They had attained enlightenment, they had reached fashion nirvana. That’s who I need helping me when it comes time buy her gifts.So now all I need to do is find some guy named Marla. Perhaps then my good intentions can yield good results.

Today's horoscope:

"Okay, so it's expensive. And really quite lavish. But it's not for you, it's for someone else -- doesn't that help justify the expense? It certainly takes all the guilt out of it, that's for sure. Just be sure you really can afford it before you throw down the plastic. If you're doubtful, settle for something a little less expensive that's equally thoughtful. They really couldn't care less about how much it cost. They're far more interested in the fact that you thought of them".

This morning when I got to work there was a voicemail from Mr. K. I was hoping that it was from him and it was! I love it when he does that. The message was very sweet and totally made my day. Thanks for thinking of me Mr. K!

My weekend started when Mr. K called me up Friday afternoon and told me that we were going to spend Friday night in NYC at a Broadway show. I was caught off guard as I wasnt even dressed properly for a trip anywhere straight after work. I raced home, packed a bag, changed into NYC appropriate wear (all black including boots, jean jacket and my fabulous black scarf). I drove as fast as I could up 95 and made it into the city with 45 minutes to spare. We saw La Cage Aux Folles. It was so much fun and we had great seats. We had dinner, hit a few other establishments and drove back to Joisey. Next day I hung out at Mr. K's, brought him lunch and hung out at his work till it was time for me to return home. Today, he drove all the way down for a wonderful Easter supper that I prepared from scratch. Menu included; roast beef, homemade gravy and masked potatoes, brocolli and dessert. We watched The Big Lebowski hung out and had a great evening. I am now getting ready for work and I am not minding it at all! Love makes the whole world better don't ya think?

Special thanks to Mr. K for a wonderful weekend and for Eliza who took my frantic phone call as I drove up to NYC.

You'll have the opportunity to bring large-scale projects to a successful conclusion. Continue to cultivate useful relationships, for you'll need them sooner or later. On the other hand, drop any relationships that seem too cumbersome or not quite trustworthy. Concentrate on enjoying life more, instead of complaining about your problems. Short moments of fatigue or depression; as soon as you address them, however, you'll recover tonicity and enthusiasm.

Thank god I have a big presentation today that I am so ready to be rid of. Untrustworthy/cumbersome relationship-GONE! Can't wait till Friday :)

Don't you love it when someone doesn't get their way with you and they immediately attack you in a way that they think will hurt you? Like calling you unstable. This asshole has known that I was in therapy for a while and because this individual couldn't get me to respond how they wanted goes ahead and tells me that I am unstable (oh and throws in I hope you find happiness just for good measure). WELL FUCK YOU! Just goes to show that the therapy did help and I am no longer a victim anymore. There got that off of my chest. Off to bed.

Yesterday I took a quick trip to Walmart to get some of those really cheap lunch containers. I didn't really feel like going home so I wandered around the store a bit. Bad idea. I came across the bedding section and saw this really cool comforter set. Now I need a new comforter set like I need a hole in the head but the price was right and I loved the pattern so I bought it. It totally made my day! I felt justified in buying it because right now I am going through all of my stuff doing some spring cleaning. Anything I haven't worn in the past season is going to be donated. Plus with the possiblity of me moving I am trying to downsize. So much for buying a new bed, I have enough linen for 6 full sized beds! What can I say I like variety :)

Hades

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

I am a little impatient. Well a lot impatient to be honest. Once I decide to do something I want it done like yesterday. Recently I have decided to abandon MD and make the move back north. Things are not moving along quickly enough for me and I stated getting myself frazzled. It will be a while before I can actually move for a few reasons that I wont get into here. Today I read one of the many horoscopes that I read daily and this is what it said...

"Today is all about looking your best and spending time with someone you feel deeply about. Changes are coming your way, so begin the preparation needed. Take a moment to realize your own capabilities."

Boy was I excited when I read that one! Yay! I just have to learn to be a little more patient :)

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here is a cool site that you can use to check if a company either tests or uses animal by-products in their products. They also have a book available called Personal Care for People Who Care in case you want more info.

Remember be kind to animals even if they wake you up at 4 am by knocking stuff off of your bathroom counter :)

He's looking for shoes to sniff :)

I'm gonna make one of those hats for Leo. Hehehe.

There is this guy that I work with that is the most awkward person to have a conversation with. Not only is he difficult to understand (because of his accent) but also because he has absolutely no social skills whatsoever. He has on occasion known to hang around for way too long in someone's cube after asking a question, microwaving lunches that smell so bad people have evacuated their cubes etc. Today I am at the microwave warning up my lunch minding my own business. I see him from the corner of my eye heading for the fridge to get his lunch. I am hoping, no praying, that the doesn't decide to start a conversation with me. But I am up shit's creek cause he does. He makes mention of the fact that I am trying to get a transfer out to one of the Bureau's regional offices. How the hell he knows this I don't know. I make some kind of small talk, grab my piping hot dish out of the microwave and make a mad dash for it. Mean, yes but I don't care. I try to avoid him as much as possible, as does much of the branch. Now I have to figure out how to warmup my lunch and not have any contact with him. Oh, vey!

You know it's going to be a long day when you have eaten your lunch wayyy before lunchtime. And it wasn't even a good lunch to begin with. Oofa.

An English professor wrote the words "A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man,
is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful!!!

New foamy

Funniest headline ever:

Bill Clinton sleeps on floor of plane during tsunami tour, allowing elder Bush to sleep on bed. Political analysts believe this is first time Clinton has seen bush in a bed and declined to jump in.

From Fark

A few weeks ago I was talking to a gay friend of mine and she mentioned that she knows many gay women who have "switched teams" because of their frustration with the male species. She stated that there are a lot of bitter lesbians out there who became that way because of men. Now my question is this the same for gay men? Have some men become gay because of women? I have never some across a case but who knows maybe there are some out there. I am not trying to be a smartass when I ask this, just looking for a reason. It seems to me that men (once they have struck out with a woman) just move on the the next one. Eventually they come across a woman (or women as the case may be) that they have worn down with their persual and the woman/women agree to date/marry them (once again as the case may be). Does anyone out there know of a guy who has struck out so often that he got fed up with women and switched teams?

Dear football,

Most people love the SuperBowl because it symbolizes the final match between two teams who sweated and smacked their way to the top. I see it as the final dance until school begins again. I become melancholy because for me, I will miss the excitement of the whole football experience. Your season is too short to begin with and with the hiatus I become desperate for any news of you. Luckily trades have begun and your draft is a month away. With a possible move up north I will start paying attention to teams other than the Ravens. Will this add to my love of you? Will it ever! I will never stop loving the Ravens but that doesnt mean that there isnt room in my heart for other franchises. Oh how I look forward to the fall and the beginning of your season. Till then I wait in anticipation for the games to start. I look forward to seeing you again.

Love,

Noemi

I have 50 gmail invites if anyone wants one. I use it to deliver data back and forth from work. If you want one let me know.

As I was parked on the coach watching the telly I saw an ad for makeup that contains caffenine. I couldn't believe my ears. Makeup with caffenine? For christsakes! Don't we get enough of it through daily consumption? I know that I do. You don't even want to know what's in the regular makeup that women use every day. Do we really need this? No. But I bet there are women flocking now to their neighborhood drugstore buying this crap. Boo to these companies pimping this garbage. Now back to Swingers on VH1.

Did you know that you are now able to receive one free credit report each year courtesy of the federal government? You can do it online or there is a link on the webpage to send in a form to receive on by mail. The catch is that they are slowly rolling this out nationwide. Us folk on the east coast have to wait till Sept of this year. We can still get the papercopy though. Now back to work :)

5 more days to go!

This morning as I was brushing the snow off of my car I noticed that the couple that lives in the apt beneath me where walking towards their car. This in itself is of no news but what was interesting was that my male neighbor was walking in front of his wife and was shoveling the snow out of her way as she walked. He did this all the way from their door into the parking lot up to their car. I wasnt sure if I was jealous or what. Was he just being a super sweet husband making sure that his wife wouldnt slip while they were walking to their car or was he some pussy whipped dude? I am not one for chivalry cause in my opinion I can open my own damn door, but I was dumbfounded this morning as I stood there covered in snow and scraping off my car. My former boyfriend never once shoveled off my car in the 3.5 years we were together and I am wondering if I missed out on something. Am I just too damn cynical when it come to love? I have never believed in true love, my own experiences in the love department show a different story. Maybe chivalry is still alive? Maybe she has him by the balls and he had no choice but to shovel a path to their car? Who knows, either way I still had to shovel my own damn car out :)

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
Well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
Tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
Be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleepI countdown,
I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found

With all life has to offer,
there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleepI countdown, I look around
Hala Hala HalaWho needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awakesince the Second World War